I just wanted some tea!
by Moiranna
Summary: My entry for a fanfiction-contest. Written in under one hour. The Doctor is captured by Knives, but things don't go as well as Knives hoped.


Fan fiction Contest

Skövde Feskmarknad 2012

The Doctor (10th) x Millions Knives

Doctor Who meets Trigun

**I Just Wanted Some Tea**

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The Doctor was in trouble. Not that he usually didn't get into trouble, but usually it didn't involve him getting bound and gagged at the very end of an argument (… mostly). Knives had just been pissed off enough to knock him unconscious just like that. And now the Doctor had woken up, his head hurting really badly, his regeneration process just vaguely starting to kick in but not enough for him not to feel like a horde of Slitheen were dancing in his head.

This guy Knives was really rude. And not ginger. And for some strange reason Knives looked just like the Master (which was a disturbing thing in itself because the Doctor did not particularly enjoy visits from the Master as they usually ended up with the Doctor hurting in all various sorts of strange ways and places). But yes – Knives was a spitting image of the Master – and by the way that Knives had gone on with his rambling about that "the silly little humans needed to be destroyed" he more than resembled the Master's mental state (or rather lack of one).

"What is this, really? Psychos anonymous?" the Doctor muttered, though through the gag it came out more like "nnah mmmph mmmf mmmph."

The blonde Plant paused in his inane ranting and pacing to stop and smirk at the Time Lord.

"Oh? Speak up! I can't hear you properly." He paused for effect. "Oh, that's right. You're a bit tied up." He snickered at his own joke.

The Doctor just glared and waited patiently. Eventually Knives heaved a mighty sigh and untied the gag, amusedly watching how the Doctor tried to pop his jaw back into place.

"Well then. As entertaining as it is being tied to a chair by a maniac I really just wanted a nice cup of tea. Lots of tannins, y'know?"

Knives just stared at the Doctor, uncertain exactly of whether he should be insulted or not.

"Then again," the Doctor continued, unperturbed by the look of murder that slowly started to manifest itself on Knives' face, "as maniacs go you're kinda nice. You haven't actually threatened to murder me yet – or for that fact threaten me in any particular way. You've just threatened to destroy the planet, which by the way is kind of a really worn-out thing to do. Do you know how many people I've stopped from destroying various worlds?" The Doctor paused for a moment, as if to give Knives a chance to respond, but without actually allowing him to make a comment the Doctor continued his monologue. "I've lost count. And that says something because my memory is _flawless_. Or well, not really – I temporarily forget things sometimes… every now and then… maybe once a decade… Nevermind."

Knives was _staring_, a vein starting to pulse on his forehead. Was this how you treated insane masterminds hell-bent on destroying every human being on other worlds? That thought made him suddenly feel vaguely uncertain of himself.

Was he really a good villain? Did he deserve his place in the Hall of Fame of criminal masterminds?

Shaking his head to himself to clear that thought from his mind he glared at the bound and helpless Doctor who just seemed to be… wait. Was he _smiling?_

Knives was baffled. How dared he. How fucking _dared_ he!

"HOW DARE YOU JUST SMILE AT ME YOU INCOMPETENT BUFFOON? I HAVE SUFFERED! I DESERVE EVERY PIECE OF MY VENGEANCE!" The irate Plant roared, mustering everything he could manage in that fit of rage.

The Doctor scoffed. "What am I supposed to do? Cower in fear? Sorry, not really my style. Also – it's kind of difficult to do that when you're, y'know… tied up." The Doctor tried to wiggle a little to get out of his bonds just to prove his point.

"OUT!" Knives tossed the Doctor out of the room, also (as if by magic) managing to have the chair break in such a way that the Doctor was untied in the process.

The Doctor stumbled as he rose, looking back at the door slammed in his face.

"But, but – my tea!"

The End

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AN: This story was written during a one-hour deadline and the characters were randomly chosen. I decided to make this as crack-tastic as I could, though I feel that I might have short-circuited a bit.

However - I must have done a great job, because I won the competition. Go me!


End file.
